There are different type of people in this world. Too many to name and describe. But there are two I hate the most. 

1. People that use you

2. People that Fake

Now I have thing of my own. I am this emotional wreck retard who puts up with everything. I trust people too fast and I get close to them too fast. AT THE END OFFCOURSE I AM THE ONE WHO GETS HURT. There are many people in my life who cheated on me and trust me I am still counting on. They haven’t died. ( I WISH THEY DID)  I don’t understand why people use other people?  Some of my friends or so called “friends” cheated on me. They left me. Some of them hurt me on purpose too. But hell with it. I ignore most of them. Some people who claimed they “loved” me also left me. Now I am not being emotional but there is a limit to it. Some people use you because of their needs. They want you so they can get what they want. And at the end they leave you like a dead animal on the street.

My thoughts on the fake people is just one word ” Motherfuckers” . I can’t stand them. I hate people who try to act like they are your friends but when you need them they just are not there anymore. I also had to deal with fake people in my life. Some were my friends who I knew for 8 years and some were just some really close relative.  Honestly I wish I didn’t give a fuck about anyone in this world. But that’s not the case because My nature does not allow me to be cruel to the people who are cruel to me. I just don’t work that way.

Perhaps now I have figure out my life. I decided I won’t care about anyone. Not get emotional to anyone because all that does is hurt you at the end. I won’t show emotions towards anyone.

 

bye.

My lord.

In the Name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

How shall I start to explain what I have become? I have studied You for years. I learned nothing. Dear God, I am drunk while writing this So I shall speak only the truth. I have ignored You for years, I have doubted Your existence, I have broke Your rule. And You said ” And give tidings to those who disbelieve of a painful punishment “. I ignored every deed that I could to stay away from you. WHAT WAS I? I thought I could Live without believing in you. Dear God was I a fool? Understand that I am being sarcastic when I say ” I thought I could be in peace without you”. I have never ever found peace until today. Getting drunk, those intoxicated eyes, that world of ecstasy was nothing, Lord. You have won. I have came back for you to get my peace. How could I have been so blind towards Your blessing? How could I have been such a fool? But dear Lord, Today I have realized nothing is mine. Not even this soul that I claim is mine, is not even mine. Mind what I Say but I shall only speak the truth. But why had you let me become what I was before? Your greatness have settled in my veins. My blood speaks the language of you. My heart beats for you. You took God, You took everything I loved. But you didn’t take what I loved the most and that was my soul which loved you deep inside. I am dizzy now Dear God. How can I explain my Love to you? How can you not be angry at me? You could easily lifted my soul but you let me lived with pain. The pain was not a pain but a test. You tested me and I am here proudly saying I have passed the test Lord. You are my saaien. You are my love. You are my everything. You are my passion. Dear Lord I hate shitty feeling of being inhumane. I was an animal. No not a animal, Animals bow down to you. I was an human full shit. I will never forgive myself. Dear Lord and I don’t ask you to forgive me. I only ask if You pay a little more attention to me. I crave you. I crave you like a lover craves his beloved. You are my beloved. And You know God, I have faked in front of many people. I have fake prayed in front of people. I WAS A FOOL. I use to be scared of people instead of being scared of you God. I was so scared they would ask me ” Kashaf why aren’t you praying?” or “Kashaf why aren’t you fasting?” How could I have told them that I didn’t believe in you? What would they think of me my Lord? I would have lost my family, my friends, my reputation, my respect, my everything. BUT I AM SO MAD. I am so mad that I was not scared of you. I was not scared of my soul which screamed Your name everyday. I was not scared that my soul belonged to you and that You could have ended me in a second. No lord. I was not scared of you. Why would I have been scared of you? I mean come on I am kashaf. I am not scared of anything. I did what I wanted, when I wanted. I was not scared of anything why would I be scared of something? You took away from my grandpa I hated you even more. You gave me a disease I hate you even more negatively. You took me away from my family then I couldn’t take it anymore. I started questioning your existence. You are mad now and you were mad before. I know God, I know. I am sorry. I have changed. But Now I given everything to you. I have given my soul to you. You can do whatever you want God. I just want forgiveness. I want Your mercy and I know lord that you are the most merciful. I want Your blessing because I know You are Ar-Rahman. I know I will be okay If You are with me just stay with me because You know things are not good in my life. I love you. And I am sorry. But You are the most merciful and the most beneficial. But You are my God, My Allah, my Saaien, My beloved, My everything. “One day I shall be a lover like you”. 

life

My Life
My own life was a gift.
Life is a hard thing to wrap

A night
Alone
Afraid
Lost
No one could be reached
Lying in the dirt
The no service sign blinking on the screen of my phone

Blood was splattered
All over
Me
The car
My white dress

Tears streaked the dirt
Sliding down my cheeks
Salty tears slipping into my mouth
Pooling in the folds of my ruined dress

Then he appeared
Through the mist shrouded forest
A knight in shining armor
Riding his white steed
Coming for the rescue
He was there for me
And he was real
This time

This strange man
Strolling towards me
Treating me like a scared and trapped animal

But
I was all alone
Hands pressed to my neck
Stopping the flow
Blood seeped out
Of the gash left behind
And he wasn’t there to help

My nightmare
Slamming back into myself
A cold sweat caked over my trembling body
It was just a dream
Only a dream
Or was it?

some shit.

The glowing warm sun lights up the green flowing face of mother earth

as wind blows up scores of leaves and pedals

They flutter through golden rays of sun that peek between the trees

creating a mist like glow throughout the formal garden

Wavey green grass sways back and forth

as honeydew mist moves upward 

like a green trance of bliss

Pure wonder and joy reverberates throughout

almost if the peacefulness of Lady Luck spawned on the world

and captured it in her own little paradise

Sometimes.

We’ve lived through a lot of happiness
We’ve endured a lot of pain,
We’ve lived in the sunshine
And danced in the rain

But now we’re separated
And for a time we will be apart,
But I am never alone –
You’re forever in my heart.

When your life is uncertain
Full of worries and despair.
When you’ve given up hope
Remember I am always there.

I’ll help you through your problems
Wipe away all your tears
I’ll ease the pain of all your heartbreaks
Though it might take a hundred years.

‍Their may be times you miss me,
I sort of hope you do.
But smile when you think of me
For I’ll be there for you.‍

Depression

Although people struggle with different thing in life–
I struggle with most of the same issues.
But most of it is in my past now.
Most.

Depression.
Everyone gets it.
Everyone…I think.
Some people deal with it in certain ways.
Others don’t know how to deal with it.
Me?
I write.
Everything that I feel,
The emotions I experience;
All go into my writing.
Writing is my way of expressing myself…
I guess.

I can’t trust.
How?
How do people do it so easily?
I don’t understand.

I Don’t Understand.

Do you ever feel?

Open the door like opening skin

Sound bleeds as you scuttle in

Turn in circles without a start

Like the beating of a heart

Oh sweet home, why blood so blue?

“Faggot”, “Lazy”, “Fuck you, too”

Tensed to snap: a massive coil

Nothing to eat, but blood to boil

I tried to fly – a peaceful dove

But fell and died from lack of love

Rise from bed like a grave

Thanks for nothing: it’s what you gave

I love my house, I really do

What makes it home, is me and you

Yet my house is not a home

Through the halls I tend to roam

To find the door that lets me in

And find a spot, however thin

To sleep there, is to sleep well

I’m tired of living in domestic hell

Kicked out of the house and without a ride

I found my home

Just shit.

Humans are strange. In fact they are very strange. Some look weird. Some talk weird. Some behave weird. And some are like me.  I don’t call myself a human. I got many reasons for it. At young age I seen a lot, went through a lot, and off course learnt a lot. I can proudly say that I am a better person than before.  Not really sure how to explain myself in a way that you won’t find me negative. But I can tell you this that drugs were good. Now they are bad. Pain was felt. But now it’s gone. Friends were made. But now they left.  I have decided to not care anymore. You know like the birds. They fly knowing they can get shot at any second. I am a bird now. This is what I thought of right now. When I think of something to write more about me, I will write it. 

Dreamed A dream -kashaf baloch

Far Away from my dream

 

When I watch other kids laughing and playing

I wonder

Why wasn’t this life given to me?

A life which is full of

Happiness, Education, Love, and No suffering

Instead I live in Africa’s street, Yea that’s my home

I walk down the streets from 6:00AM to 9:00PM….

Searching for food or finding a place where I can rest my head

I am too young to be doing this,

I should be at school just like you,

I should be wearing nice clothes just like you,

I shouldn’t have eye bags underneath my eyes from the lack of sleep,

I shouldn’t have to sleep on the street with an empty stomach,

My parents are weak; they cannot take care of us anymore

Since I am the oldest, I have to take care of my family

I am only 8 Years old….

I stand underneath the burning sun,

Begging for money so I can buy food,

People pass by me in their fine health

Acting as if I am invisible, can they not see me?

The freezing cold, the burning hot sun, is killing me

Am I not a human being to be treated humane?

Trust me it’s not dope to be standing here all alone

You ignore me like a dead animal on the street

 

But if you think, do you even think deep?

The life I am living right now

This life could have been giving to you

You could be me

Standing on the streets begging for food

Sleeping on the streets with an empty stomach

I admire your arrogance against me

When I am standing on the street,

I am not looking to snatch the money from you

Instead,

I want the love you gave your children

I want to go to school, I want education

Is this a lot to ask for?

We were giving human rights

But I guess the rights don’t apply to everyone,

I am not the only one here suffering

There are thousands of us in Africa

And there are many more children suffering around the world

But the world seems to be blind,

Do we not matter?

Are we not humans?

When I watch you I see my dreams,

The dreams that have been crushed over years,

But nothing changed,

Yet here I am and here you are….

 

 

 

 

 

Would You like to beg?

Stop the arrogance against begging. Why must children beg on the street for anything such as ; Money, Food, Clothes, Love, or maybe even education. I must say I have seen a lot of children begging and crying. While others were wasting their food and their money on some bullshit they didn’t really need. Are you cold hearted? Do you have any idea of how many children beg on the street everyday for a living? I just want ask for a favour. Just a little favour. Every time you see a child begging on the street ask them what they need and provide it to them for God sake.

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